Somewhen in the last weeks, Regina Spektor (or Sire Records / Warner, it doesn't really matter who exactly) released her latest album "Far". Thanks to Amazon and the Austrian postal service, I was able to listen to this record for over one week now, and generally, I really like it.
As some critics have noted, it is less edgy than "11:11", "Songs" or "Soviet Kitsch" and seems to be more of a straight refinement of the musical style present on her previous work "Begin to hope". And while it is sad that we probably won't get something new which is similar to "uh-merica", "chemo limo" or "ghost of corporate future" from her in the immediate future, I'm grateful for what we have, especially as long as she gravitates towards the mainstream with near perfect pop songs like for example "Eet" or "Dance Anthem of the 80's".
The part that was a bit hard to swallow for me (and obviously for several other reviewers and regular Regina listeners I know, like for example this one (german language)) were some of the lyrics, especially the ones that appear on the track "Laughing with":
No one laughs at God in a hospitalThis one hits home dangerously close for a lot of people who identify themselves as atheists, agnostics, freethinkers or members of some other secular or non-theistic group. Not only does it seem to perpetuate the old "There are no Atheists in foxholes"
No one laughs at God in a war
No one's laughing at God when they're starving or freezing or so very poor
No one laughs at God when the doctor calls after some routine tests
No one's laughing at God when it's gotten real late and their kid's not back from that party yet
myth (which is demonstrably false, btw), it expands the claim that nobody is capable of holding up an agnostic or atheistic worldview in the presence of even less dramatic events than warfare.
If someone with a secular background starts to criticise lyrics like above, the chain of arguments quickly starts to follow more or less a certain automatism, starting with some people argueing that atheists and agnostics are a bunch of touchy hypocrites who have no problem when it comes to ridicule devout beliefers and complain loudly once their own dis-belief is the target of criticism, and sooner or later arrives at the topics of the crusades, the lack of belief of communists in general and Josef Stalin in person (and in order to trigger Godwin, Nazi Germany and Adolf Hitler), the dark ages, the crimes against humanity in present and past times in the name of god(s) and faith, us-vs.-them, etc. . Net result of almost all these dicussions: ruffled feathers, high blood pressure and another oportunity for an civilised discussion down the drain.
Once upon a time I was younger, dumber and probably less secure about my personal religous and philosophical grounding, with the result that I was eager and willing to participate in such discussions. Today, I tend to avoid discussions with entrenched positions because they usually end up in collective chest pounding on both sides of the verbal fence. Well, I avoid them when the topic is something mundane as the lyrics of a song or the theme of a movie and the main objective is to "convert" the other side. Once less trivial topics like the freedom of religon and belief (which implies the freedom to have no belief at all), the teaching of creationism in school classes, the equalisation of lack of faith with unethical behaviour, the discrimination of people because of their religon, the decline of our societies critical thinking abilities etc. arrive, expect me back with all the vigour and verbal training that years of surviving in usenet flamewars provides.
I was a rather devout catholic christ for the most of my life, although in retrospect I have to admit that part of my devotedness was probably a result of me trying to compensate for a lack of belief early on. It was a bit like training harder in order to run faster than the guys with legs twice as long. Another problem was that I can't recall serious discussions about whether some religion can be right or wrong, or discussions about religion at all, until I was 15 or so, because everybody I knew was catholic and nobody ever seemed to suggest there might be something else. Some parts of rural Austria of the 1980s were a like that apparently, although it seems to be a bit better nowadays (perhaps rural Austria is no longer that rural, who knows). It took me the better part of my first 20 years in life to realise that the concept of "faith", "belief" and "spirituality" were not really compatible with the way I was ticking. The fact that other people prayed for me so that I would be able to belief again, resulting in me having the feeling that I was an imense dissapointment to them, was not really helpful either. Finally, at the age of 22 or 23, I accepted that I am what I am, and that is an agnostic with a strong leaning towards atheism.
In the years the followed, a lot of situations occured that matched the pattern Regina sings about: friends and family got sick, some of them died, my personal health declined, relationships shattered, etc. . Luckily, nothing at the scale of my whole family dying or my country drifting into a war, etc. . It was just the usual assortment of small catastrophes that overwhelm you for the duration of weeks and months, but not for the rest of your life. During this times of stress or sorrow, sometimes I felt the brief urge to pray. Not because I was suddenly accepting some deity as my personal saviour or something like that. Not because my views on religon suddenly changed. Not even because I thought that I could trick god or whomever into helping me by pretending belief. (Sideremark: Terry Pratchett has something interesting to say what gods probably think about "smart" folks who try to pull a pascal wager.)
It was something akin to a reflex, like the urge to whistle when you walk through a dark forrest at night, or the need to say "Hello?" in a drak room, half hoping nothing and nobody answers and half hoping somebody else is there so that you don't feel alone anymore. It is an reflex, because in this situations you don't want to feel alone and hopelessly insecure. I don't feel superior or bad when I say that it was in 2003 when I prayed so far for the last time while my mother was undergoing a difficult and complicated operation. And I definitly don't feel superior when I say that the hardest part about accepting may lack of faith and my religous disbelief was overcoming my fear for these moments when you feel ultimately alone, wounded, helpless and scared.
Why am I writing this long post? Ms. Spektor won't read it and frankly, even if she did (and didn't cringe about the spelling), she is of course free to write and sing about her beliefs and her opinion about (my) disbelief (in the words of Homer Simpson: Duh!). If there is one thing that I have learned over the last years, it is that if you stop consuming works of beauty and art (and frankly, I'm too much a fan of her work to stop listening to her) because of the religous views of the artist(s), then you are missing one of the best things life has to offer. My intetion is to add a little perspective to the obvious interpretation of this particular song from somebody who does not laugh at god in such situations, but has no intentions of chaning his beliefs about his/hers/its/theirs existence.
Ultimately, I guess Regina is right that few laugh at god in such moments, but in my opinion not so much because non-beliefers suddenly are convinced of their wrongs, but probably more because the next breath of air, the next beat of heart and the fight against tears and fears are at the top of the agenda.
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